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  “I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me,” she told him. “I’m going to be fine.”

  “I know that,” he said.

  “I just need time to figure out what the hell happened to me.”

  “You don’t know?” Elijah said.

  She sighed. “I do know. But…it’s confusing. You’re not a girl so you can’t possibly understand what I mean.”

  “You think because I’m not a girl, I can’t imagine being confused about my life?”

  he laughed. “Shit, I’m confused every fucking day, Caelyn.”

  “This is different, though.”

  “How so?”

  And then, for some reason, she just blurted it out. The truth.

  “Because I was raped by my boyfriend, okay?”

  Elijah was staring at her as if she’d slapped him. He licked his lips. “Okay,” he said, slowly. “What part of it’s confusing?”

  She ran her hands through her still wet, tangled hair. “All of it. Jayson—that’s his name…he was so nice to me the whole time up until last night.” She thought about everything and shook her head, still completely stunned at how quickly it had all changed.

  “I was a freshman and Jayson is a junior. He approached me in the cafeteria on my second day of school and was just…nice. A total gentleman. He was sweet and funny and totally mature, and I was kind of in awe of him.”

  Elijah looked sick. “Yeah, I know the type.”

  “I know, I know—you think he’s that typical rich kid that you hate.”

  “That’s not what I meant, Caelyn.”

  “Well, maybe that’s what I meant. Because, looking back on it, I suppose I’m mad at myself for falling for his act. And it was an act. He was from a good family, a rich family and people on campus knew their names. When I was seen with him, I have to admit that I liked feeling important. I got off on feeling special, like I’d gotten into some exclusive club.”

  Elijah smiled a little. “There’s nothing wrong with that. We all want to be special.”

  “Maybe.” She sighed. “He took everything slow. We didn’t go out on our first real date for a couple of weeks, and then he asked me to dinner. And he took me to a really nice restaurant in the South End of Boston, and I felt like a princess. At the end of the night, he just dropped me back at the dorms with a little kiss. Nothing crazy, he didn’t even ask me to go back to his place—although I would have if he had.”

  “The guy knew what he was doing, Caelyn. He was grooming you.”

  “Grooming me?”

  Elijah’s eyes turned hard and flinty. She could tell he wasn’t angry with her, though. But she could feel his rage, could feel the tension coming off him in waves as he sat there, looking into the distance. “This is a pattern that he set up, and he was just playing out the script with you. I’m sorry to say it, but there’s no way this is the first time he did this to a girl.”

  That put things in a new light. But Caelyn didn’t know what to make of Elijah’s theory, or what she would do if it was true. All she knew was what had happened to her.

  “Anyway, we had a few more dates. Each time, he took me somewhere nice, treated me wonderfully, was a total gentleman.”

  “And then?”

  “And then it changed. I wasn’t even supposed to have a date with him last night,”

  she said, remembering how she’d been planning on staying in and studying. “But then, at like nine o’clock, I get a text from Jayson asking me if I want to come over his apartment.

  I hadn’t even been there yet. At the time, I thought it was pretty strange. He’d said he was going to a party with some of his friends from the debate team—“

  “Debate team?” Elijah scoffed. He seemed to catch himself. “Forget I said anything.”

  She glared at him, but she wasn’t really mad. It almost made her smile, how Elijah could so easily let his prejudice against rich kids get to him.

  He was still rubbing her back as she spoke, and their hips were touching. She knew that it should bother her, but it didn’t. Somehow, his closeness was actually helping her feel safe enough to tell the story.

  “I wasn’t expecting to hear from him or see him,” she continued. “We hadn’t gotten that serious yet. So when he texted me, I almost—almost said no.” She closed her eyes tightly. “God, I wish I’d listened to my instinct.”

  Elijah was watching her intently. “It’s not your fault,” he said.

  It might have been cliché, Caelyn thought, but the conviction in his voice made it feel real and truthful.

  “You’re right,” she said. “But I still wish I’d listened to myself.” She took a deep breath and let it out. Now she was getting to the scary part, and her stomach was getting tight, burning a little as she geared up to remember the worst. “Obviously, I said yes. I got dressed up in my very cutest, sexiest outfit and I went to his apartment. I don’t know what I was expecting. I was ready to hook up with him,” she said. “But I don’t think I had any intention of going all the way. I mean, he was only the second person I slept with—”

  “You didn’t sleep with him,” Elijah interrupted. “He assaulted you.”

  She nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.” She wiped at her eyes. “Anyway, when I got inside his apartment, I was surprised by how it looked. It was a nice, big place, off-campus. But it was messy. There were beer bottles and beer cans all over the place, a pizza box open on the coffee table in the living room. It kind of smelled.”

  Elijah laughed at that. “Figures.”

  “Jayson asked me if I wanted to hang out and watch a movie. I said sure, even though little alarm bells had started going off in my head. They were distant alarm bells, but something just felt—off. I could tell he’d been drinking, for one thing. He smelled like beer, and his hair was kind of messed up.” She thought about it. “But it was more than that. His whole vibe was just wrong. He was looking at me differently—looking at me like I was his prey or something.”

  Elijah’s jaw was flexing again, which she knew was something he did when he was getting upset. It touched her a little that he was so worked up on account of her.

  “You don’t have to tell me it all if you don’t want to,” Elijah said.

  “No, I want to. Maybe I need to, even. If I don’t tell someone, I think I might go crazy.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “We were just sitting and watching some dumb movie. Transformers or something—maybe it was the second one. I couldn’t focus. I ate some pizza and tried to make small talk, but Jayson was being strange. Quiet. He started telling me how good I looked, how much he liked my skirt. I said thanks, tried to make a joke. I ate more pizza, thinking it would keep him from trying to kiss me. I was starting to plan excuses for leaving. And then, he put his arm over my shoulder and hugged me really, really tightly to him. I could feel how strong he was. Jayson is a big guy, and I was surprised at how hard he was holding me. I told him he was hurting me and he just laughed and said that he just liked me a lot. And then it really started. He wouldn’t let me go, and he was just holding me, kissing me a little. I didn’t want to kiss him back, but I was afraid. So at first, I did kiss him a little bit, thinking it might slow him down. Only the exact opposite happened.

  He put his weight on me and pushed me back onto the couch, and then he started groping me, putting his hands all over me. Finally, I got scared and said I wanted to stop. He ignored me. I said it louder and then he got really rough. He ripped my panties off and put his fingers right into me. I was crying, telling him to stop, and he told me not to fight it…and then he eventually just stopped responding.”

  She realized she was shaking violently now, as if it was happening again, this very instant.

  Elijah looked slightly alarmed. “Caelyn, relax,” he said. “Relax. No one’s going to hurt you again.”

  “How do you know?” she said, her voice almost a whisper.

  “Because, I’ll kill anyone who tries.”

  S
he nodded, still shaking violently. “Thank you for saying that.”

  “Is it bothering you that I’m sitting so close right now?”

  She looked into his eyes and shook her head. “No. I know you wouldn’t ever hurt me.”

  He smiled a little, but then his smile faded. “Tell me the rest. I can take it.”

  Caelyn looked away, drawing her knees up to her chest and putting her cheek against her knees. She closed her eyes. “From there, things just progressed fast. I think I might have blacked out a little bit. It crossed my mind that I might die—that Jayson was totally insane and he might kill me. His eyes weren’t normal, they were dead. He wasn’t seeing me, he didn’t care that I was crying and begging him to stop. He just kept going.

  He raped me. I don’t know how long it lasted. I just know that afterward, he acted like nothing had happened. He got up and went to the bathroom and then he came back and started watching the movie again. I told him I was going and he said he would text me tomorrow. I just said fine, because I wanted more than anything to get out of that apartment and away from him.”

  She heaved a deep sigh, opening her eyes again, as if coming out of a trance.

  “Once I got back to my dorm room, I realized that I couldn’t stay there anymore. I didn’t want to see Jayson ever again, or even the school itself. I wanted out of Boston.”

  “Why Florida?” Elijah asked.

  She smiled then. “I’ll show you.” She climbed off the bed and fished the postcard out of her purse. She got back on the bed and handed it to Elijah, who saw it and grinned.

  “This is cute,” he said. “But I still don’t get why you decided to go here.”

  The card was a picture of a sandy white beach with a beautiful sunset. Palm trees waved in the distance. At the top edge of the card, in colorful letters, it said GREETINGS

  FROM BEAUTIFUL SARASOTA. She turned it over and showed him the flip side.

  Hey, Alicia! Wish you were here—maybe Spring Break? Love, Mom.

  “My roommate, Alicia, got this from her mother a couple of weeks ago. She couldn’t care less about it. She actually tossed it in the trash and I found it.”

  “I guess her and her mother aren’t that close,” Elijah said.

  “I guess not. Ever since I found this card, I couldn’t help but look at it. I ended it putting it in my room on my dresser, and every night, I looked at it and pictured myself away from everything, walking on that beach.” Caelyn laughed to herself. “When I got back to the room last night, I knew I was leaving. But I wasn’t sure exactly where to go until I was in the middle of packing and that post card caught my eye again. That’s when I realized.”

  Elijah raised his eyebrows. “That’s quite a story you got there.”

  “Yup.” She nodded, pushing a few strands of hair out of her face.

  “Why not go to the police?”

  She flinched. “I just can’t. His family is wealthy, very connected. I know he mentioned something about relatives who are judges and lawyers. He’s a legacy at Cambridge. I would get torn apart.”

  “He can’t just get away with it,” Elijah said. “I won’t let him.”

  She turned her head and stared at him, shocked. “You won’t let him? What does that mean?”

  He just shrugged. “Don’t worry about what it means.”

  “Elijah, you don’t even know the guy.”

  “I’m pretty sure I know what I need to know.”

  “Please, that’s not going to help anything.”

  Elijah got off the bed and started pacing. “What’s his last name?” he said. He turned and faced her.

  She laughed. “I’m not telling you.”

  “Caelyn, tell me. Seriously.”

  “No, Elijah. You’re starting to freak me out.”

  His whole body looked puffed up, like he was ready to fight there and then. The energy coming off him was incredible. Of course, in some bizarre way, she had to admit it was sexy, too. But she didn’t want Elijah knowing who Jayson was and trying to defend her honor or whatever he had in mind.

  “It’s not fair, what he did to you. The guy is scum, Caelyn.”

  “I know that. But I made my decision. I could have gone to the police and I chose not to. I’m not going to try and let you and your friends take matters into your own hands.”

  “Who said anything about my friends? I’m perfectly capable of tearing that clown apart with my own two hands.”

  She saw in his eyes that he was totally serious. He wasn’t just trying to be a big shot. “Please, you’re not helping me right now. I just told you something that I haven’t told to anyone else on this planet. Can you calm down before I regret saying anything?”

  Slowly, slowly, she saw Elijah regain control over his emotions. It took a visible effort. His shoulders dropped a little, and some of the blood left his face. He took a deep breath and released it. “Fine,” he said. “I guess I have to respect your choice.”

  “Yeah, you do.”

  He sighed. “Well, we’ve got a long day of driving tomorrow and we should get to bed.”

  She nodded. Part of her wanted more. She didn’t even know exactly what that meant, but only that she was unsatisfied in some profound way. He went to the bathroom and took a quick shower, reemerging with damp hair, wearing shorts and a white t-shirt that clung to his still wet body.

  She had turned off the lights, and now there was just the flickering of the TV.

  Caelyn watched as he climbed into the other bed. His muscles flexed and moved as he got under the covers.

  Imagining him climbing into bed with her instead, Caelyn felt a rush of adrenaline and realized that she desperately wanted him to be close to her. Maybe it was her instinct, wanting to feel protected. She didn’t know what it was. She just knew that she needed something more from him.

  But soon, she drifted to sleep.

  Her dreams were something straight from hell. In one nightmare after another, she ran from Jayson, and he was always too fast and too strong and too evil for her. He looked like an alternate version of himself—more demonic than anything. His mouth was always twisted into a grin that was wider than it should have been, and his eyes were maniacal, white and huge, the dark pupils dancing with glee as he chased her down darkened, twisted corridors.

  In the final nightmare before she woke up, he had caught her and taken her, hogtied, to some dingy basement littered with empty pizza boxes that were crawling with maggots and roaches. And then he’d taken out a huge knife and begun stabbing her as she screamed and screamed…

  “Hey, hey, Caelyn, wake up,” Elijah said, shaking her shoulder softly.

  Her eyes snapped open and she gave a whimper, hands flying to her face. “Oh, God. Oh, God,” she said. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

  “It’s just a nightmare. You’re fine. You’re safe.”

  The room was dark and for a moment, the shadows in the corner had almost seemed to resemble a person.

  Caelyn’s heart hammered against her chest. “I think…I think I’m having a panic attack.”

  “Slide over,” he told her.

  She slid over and he sat on the bed again. “Look at me,” he said.

  She looked at him, her eyes wide, breathing still labored. She felt like she was underwater, choking.

  “Slow down,” he said, his voice calm. “Breathe with me, Caelyn.” He made an exaggerated breath, lifting his chest and then slowly exhaling. “Come on, do it with me.”

  “I can’t. I don’t know how.”

  “Here, can I take your hand?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  Gently he took her hand and placed it on his chest. She could feel that he was even more muscular than she’d realized. His pectorals were dense and chiseled, like stone.

  “Feel how I breathe,” he said, “and match your breathing to mine. You’re hyperventilating.”

  He started to breathe, and she kept her hand on his chest, noting the rise and fall. It was hard to co
ncentrate, though, when she couldn’t stop thinking about how strong and muscular he was.

  Maybe the distraction of being close and touching him was what did the trick. Or maybe it was slowing her breathing to try and match Elijah’s. All she knew was that, within a few minutes, she had regained her equilibrium and no longer felt like she was choking.

  “Better?” he asked.

  “Better,” she agreed.

  “Good.” He touched her hair, then, looking into her eyes, and smiled. “Think you can go back to sleep? We need to get up in a couple of hours.”

  “I hope so.” She bit her lower lip. “It might help if you stayed in this bed, though.

  With me.”

  His eyebrows rose again. “Are you sure?”

  “Nothing can happen between us, though. I can’t…I’m not ready…”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything to happen,” he said. “I’m not Jayson. I would never do that to you.”

  She nodded. “I know, I just needed to say it.”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “I trust you completely.” She didn’t even know why, but it was true.

  He got under the covers with her, and they faced one another in the bed, just inches apart from one another. He stroked her hair softly and looked in her eyes. “I’ve never met anyone like you,” he said.

  “I’ve never met anyone like you,” she replied, softly.

  It was dark, and warm, and it seemed like they were the only two people in the world right then. Caelyn felt safe again, really safe, for the first time since what had happened with Jayson. But in a way, she felt safer than she had going back before the assault, going back a long way.

  The touch of Elijah’s fingers as he caressed her hair was like magic. His eyes were staring into hers, telling her without words that she didn’t ever have to worry, that he would take care of her.

  I think I might be falling for him, she realized, as she fell away into a peaceful, deep, dreamless sleep.

  ***

  When Caelyn awoke, she was lying with her face pressed into Elijah’s chest, and one of his arms was draped over her shoulder. She could hear him breathing deeply, still asleep.